The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
