What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
