yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
did i walk over a car last night?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
