he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I need to align my fucking chakras
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
