She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
