your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
