Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
