nut hugger
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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