shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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