i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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