it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
