sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
