I smell stomach acid.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Success! We fucked roommates!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
