he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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