A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
