hotel room ftw
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
