I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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