I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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