I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
