Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
