im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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