Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
