I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Never underestimate the power of titties
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
