new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
