Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
