I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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