She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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