You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just high enough for therapy.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
