dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
