Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
