I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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