Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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