The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
