This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
