Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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