Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
