You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
