Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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