The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
