Me too!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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