How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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