cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
