Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
how can u be prego again
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
