her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
