I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
