I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
