We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
