While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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