fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
