Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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