His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
