Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
