The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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