I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
