you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
