this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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