u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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