I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
